Trick or Treat – a Muslim Guide to the Experts Industries, by Karima Hamdan

Now that Halloween has come and gone and pint-sized devils, ghouls and witches have slunk off to rot their teeth on the ill-gotten gains of their begging, we can all safely turn the lights back on in the evening, answer the doorbell and stop pretending that we are not in.

It is a strange contradiction that causes a society to aspire for its youth to become good decent polite citizens whilst simultaneously encouraging them to celebrate a pagan festival that glorifies evil, the scaring of old age pensioners in the evenings with horrid masks and the promoting of antisocial behaviour, but this divergence between rhetoric and action is not just limited to children celebrating All Hallows’ Eve. It is present in pundits who express an evangelical belief in the free market but demand concessions and protection for insolvent banks who are apparently “too big to fail”. It is present in politicians who enthuse about openness and integrity whilst simultaneously condemning Wikileaks for ensuring those goals are upheld. It is also present in those”thinkers” who moralise about freedom of speech even as they support banning speakers with whom they disagree.

The strangest contradiction of all is how in a society where analysis and commentary of current news events are held in such high esteem that they regularly feature in prime time radio and TV slots, there can be such a preponderance of professional “experts” who by all intents and purposes are neither professionals nor (more disturbingly) experts. This is most apparent in the reporting of Islam and Muslim related news and events where the carefully thought out response to the nuanced and multifaceted issues effecting the Muslim world is left for the most part to the misguided, the malcontents and the moronic. To paraphrase Churchill, never in the field of human pontificating has so much misinformation been given out by so few to so many.

We could cite the example of Taj Hargey who seems to pop up like an equal opportunities Jack-in-a-box whenever the niqab is mentioned to offer up his barely literate pronouncements on Islamic theology whilst the vast majority of British Muslims hold their head in their hands and weep with frustration. Despite the marketing of him as a “theologian and expert on Islam”, closer examination will reveal he is neither but it seems that a copy of the English translation of Sahih Bukhari coupled with intellectual ineptitude will suffice most news outlets on the look out for an “expert”.

Or team Quilliam, much diminished now that Ed, emulating Geri Haliwell’s epic departure from The Spice Girls, (and following in Ayan Hirsi Ali’s footsteps) has flounced off to the USA to start a solo career. The remaining lip-synching starlet is Maajid Nawaz who, no doubt, will take comfort in the knowledge that now Ed is no longer doing the rounds and Hassan Butt (remember him?) turned out to be everything but honest, he has cornered the market in the “goon turned Gandhi” genre of expert.

Then we have the Liberal Ladies who Lurch – Julie Burchill, Christina Patterson, Yasmin Alibhai Brown, Janet Street Porter and Polly Toynbee. The lurch in this case is from a very laid back left-wing attitude to every personal freedom, personal foible and personal fetish on offer in today’s Britain to the opposite they come across a Muslim. Then the shutters come clanging down and “whatever makes you happy daahling” is replaced by the irate bellows of a distinctly right-wing female version of an outraged water buffalo.

To these ladies the Muslim woman is either a stray kitten, mewling helplessly, hoping to be rescued by feminism, amorality and the pursuit of self; or a thin-lipped, joyless prude complicit in her own incarceration within a religious straight-jacket. Any suggestion that the reality may be different is met with derision and pity in equal measure. One may ask why these particular women have the right to mete out judgement on others. Is it some remarkable personal achievement, or a deep level of understanding, some sort of intuitive wisdom? Sadly, no. The majority of these women have displayed poor life choices, awful personal habits and scanty self awareness not to mention a yawning chasm between their understanding of Islam and the willingness to offer their ignorant opinions about it. In Julie Burchill’s case she seems to have taken on Christianity’s seven deadly sins: lust, gluttony, greed, sloth, wrath, envy, and pride and appears to be using them as milestones on her personal highway to hell. But putting aside Burchill’s distinctive awfulness they all are remarkable in their similarly rancid outlook on life – a recipe produced by the disagreeable combination of smug self-satisfaction, fatuous false modesty, and a bovine intellect, layered on a base of maggoty ignorance, meanly under-seasoned with morality and served up to an ego hungry for gratification.

So there we have it. The feckless vapidity of the burgeoning experts industry. To follow their brand of expert opinion would be a study of blatant contradictions but then this begs the question, is this divergence between reality and rhetoric merely a symptom of modern life’s complexity? Is there such an instance in today’s world that demonstrates perfect congruity between what is said and what is done?

Just as Halloween marks a nadir in the year’s moral calendar, as Muslims we are blessed with a spiritual zenith tha t starts within the next few days. It is of the month of Zul Hijjah – the first 10 days bejewelled with the blessings of Allah for even the most meagre of good deeds leading up to the epicentre of the month – the Hajj, where millions of Muslims from around the world gather together on a desert plain, united by their worship of Allah. For the hundreds of millions of Muslims not fortunate enough to perform the Hajj, the first ten days of Zul Hijjah marks a time when acts of faith are increased and the sunnah of fasting and the sacrificing of animals for distribution to friends, family and the poor is widely practiced. When Muslims say those much derided words “Islam is a religion of peace”, the Hajj is the epitome of what we mean. Anyone wh o has been blessed enough to perform the Hajj will agree that it is not peaceful in the modern sense of the word. It is no weekend spa-break with Ayurvedic massage, liver cleansing diets and colonic irrigation. On the plains of Arafat or in the tent city of Mina one will not hear New Age spiritual muzak piped throughout or partake in group yoga sessions with like-minded young professionals all from approximately the same socio-economic spectrum.

The Hajj is busy, tiring and dusty. The approximately 3 million participants come from every corner of the globe, share no common language, are a mix of young and old, rich and poor, educated and illiterate, able-bodied and disabled, with just about every colour and culture represented. And yet, despite the jostling, despite the heat, despite the illness and exhaustion most hajjis experience, there is an amazing amount of tolerance, goodwill and peace. The Muslim world may be riven with conflict and disorder but inside the Holy Cities of Mecca and Medina – the very centre of Islam – one finds next to no evidence of it. This is not the peace made by committee, seemingly designed for angels and unachievable by humans, rather Islam and specifically the Hajj teaches us a peace that acknowledges the imperfection of the world with its multitude of distractions, hardships and annoyances but instructs that so long as one is submitted to the will of Allah, staying ones hand, sil encing ones tongue and stilling one’s anger is achievable. If Islam and by extension Muslims were an inherently warlike, barbaric people – as is so often implied by “experts” – then the Hajj – arguably the highest concentration of Muslims per square meter in the world – should be anarchy. Yes, there are infrequent crushes and casualties, but these are not due to food stampedes or fighting but rather because of the large numbers of Hajjis rushing to perform acts of worship to their Creator caught up in a spiritual whirlwind that is unfathomable to those who have not experienced it.

If these so-called experts truly had an understanding of Islam and Muslims they would be able to make the connection themselves that Muslims are at their best when they are practising Islam to the best of their ability and any erosion of the Quran and Sunnah will inevitably lead to more chaos and anarchy. And when these experts are asked the perennial question of “what to do about the current situation” they would quote directly from the Quran, the best piece of advice for Muslims struggling to find a way in today’s world:

يَا أَيُّهَا الَّذِينَ آمَنُوا ادْخُلُوا فِي السِّلْمِ كَافَّةً وَلَا تَتَّبِعُوا خُطُوَاتِ الشَّيْطَانِ إِنَّهُ لَكُمْ عَدُوٌّ مُبِينٌ

“O ye who believe! Enter into Islam completely; and follow not the footsteps of Satan; for he is to you an avowed enemy.”
(2:208)

وَإِذۡ بَوَّأۡنَا لِإِبۡرَٲهِيمَ مَكَانَ ٱلۡبَيۡتِ أَن لَّا تُشۡرِكۡ بِى شَيۡـًٔ۬ا وَطَهِّرۡ بَيۡتِىَ لِلطَّآٮِٕفِينَ وَٱلۡقَآٮِٕمِينَ وَٱلرُّڪَّعِ ٱلسّ&# 1615;جُودِ (٢٦)وَأَذِّن فِى ٱلنَّاسِ بِٱلۡحَجِّ يَأۡتُوكَ رِجَالاً۬ وَعَلَىٰ ڪُلِّ ضَامِرٍ۬ يَأۡتِينَ مِن كُلِّ فَجٍّ عَمِيقٍ۬ (٢٧)

“And [mention, O Muhammad], when We designated for Abraham the site of the House, , “Do not associate anything with Me and purify My House for those who perform Tawaf and those who stand and those who bow and prostrate.

“And proclaim to mankind the Hajj. They will come to you on foot and on every lean camel, they will come from every deep and distant (wide) mountain highway (to perform Hajj).”
(22:26-27)